I was almost eight years old when an evangelist spent a night or two as our guest. He said that "Jesus had promised to return to the earth to collect all those who were Saved to take them up to be forever with Jesus in heaven." They called this 'the second coming of Christ and if I was 'Saved' I would be taken up to heaven with all the other Christians.

On the wall of our living room was a poker-work plaque which read, "God is the head of this house, the unseen guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation." To me this always sounded like spying and judging my behaviour could not get away from it. Like many children of Christian families, I believed that my parents always told the truth. They obviously believed what the evangelist said was true. I was afraid that Jesus could come and take my parents up to heaven and I would be left behind with no one to care for me. So I crept to the door of their bedroom to make sure they were still there. My father saw me and asked "What do you want Steve?" I replied "I want to be saved".

My father got out of his warm bed and sat with me while he read some verses of the Bible to me. He asked me to pray to Jesus and ask him to receive me into the family of those who believed in him. After I had said this prayer, my father said that I was now 'saved' and a child of God and if Jesus came tonight, I would be caught up to heaven with all the other Christians. I was relived of my anxiety and went back to bed and sleep.

As a lad I had become thoroughly brain washed, steeped in the Christian Faith. At about thirteen years of age, on a cold winter's day I was baptised by immersion in a stream in Hunterville used as a swimming pool and became a full member of the Brethren church . I continued on this path of religion and finally became a church elder and Sundayschool teacher. Now, as I look back, I think, what a lot of fantasy and superstition I was subjected to.

My father had a new idea. He wanted to establish a printing plant in Jerusalem , Palestine , specialising in Christian literature. He became a full time missionary. I went to Jerusalem with my parents and became the guide around Jerusalem for our many visitors. I wanted to be independent and accepted employment working as a book keeper for a Ford Agency and garage. I started an accountancy course with Bennett College of England by correspondence.

After nearly seven years in Palestine I returned to New Zealand in September 1938, a much traveled person in the Near East, Egypt, Transjordan and Lebanon. My brother Edwin and I went into the printing business trading as Cooper Brothers Ltd. We purchased a building in Broadway, Newmarket , Auckland , and automatic printing machinery. We started by printing Christian literature but soon included general commercial work which took up most of our time. We bought more machinery and built up a steady and reliable clientele.

I was adjusting the folding machine when the office lady gave me a cable from my father telling my brother and me that mother had died. I could see the staff through a window eating lunch and chatting away happily. I believed in good government and would do anything I justly could for any one of my staff. But where was GOD? My mother had given all her life serving a God who was supposed to be all powerful and a loving God. I questioned why she had to suffer pain. She had been in and out of hospital several times. The doctors did not know what was wrong with her. Mother was 57 years old and died without ever seeing her grandchildren.

I felt angry with God and the Christian faith. If God was a loving and all-powerful God, why was it that mother had to suffer Intensely for at least the last three years of her life? Was I a better and more caring employer than God. Was God real? Or was he powerless? Or was he there at all? I wanted proof for the first time in my life that God was real. Where was the vaunted love of God who now lacked any compassion. Mother's death was the trigger that set me on the search of my life. Something was wrong with God and religion. It did not add up. I questioned God's justice and purpose. I had been taught that God was a loving and an almighty God. Now I do not believe it. God could not be loving and at the same time an almighty God and allow his faithful servant to suffer like that.

I was determined to find proof that the God of my parents was; or was not real. I was looking for indisputable proof. Auckland University was offering an extensive series of lectures on astronomy. I did not miss one lecture. I looked through Auckland 's big telescope at the wonders of the universe. What I saw was the vastness, the orderliness of the universe and the timelessness of our galaxy. But I could not find anything about God at all. There was nothing there which told me that the God of my parents existed. Certainty nothing that suggested that God had created the world in seven days!

I then studied many other religions. They all had different concepts and seldom agreed with each other. I read books on philosophy. Science led me away from belief in God. What I had been taught was all a fantasy dreamed up by our ancient pagan ancestors before we humans learned to write and read.

I had published a book entitled ' Liberty to Live.' Foreword by Prof. James E. Ritchie of Waikato University . It was a study of Psychoanalysis. The distributor was Book Reps (N.Z) Limited. They sent a copy to the editors of a number of N.Z. news papers asking for comments from book reviewers. Eight papers wrote back highly recommending my book. I wanted to attend some university lectures. As a result of my first book the Auckland University gave me an honorary entry into University study. I took two papers Religious Studies and Philosophy.

Billy Graham, the American evangelist, came to Auckland . There was a huge gathering in the Domain. I went to hear him and concluded that he was trying to frighten people with the threat of Hell. To me that was the final insult. I determined to challenge God directly. The family was away at some function. I took one of my much used Bibles and went down to our incinerator in the garden.

With my clenched fist above my head I said "God, I want to know if you are real, give me a sign." For a while I stood thinking that if God was real he could send me immediately to Hell, if there was such a place, but I reasoned I could find some good people even in Hell. I opened my Bible and took handfuls of its pages and threw them into the flames. I was destroying my dependence upon religion. I was taking my life back. I was taking full responsibility for my own life and actions. I did not need or want a Saviour.

As I went back to the house I felt I had found the answer to the eight or nine years of study looking for proof of a God that did not exist! A great load of unreality and fear was lifted off my back. I understood the value of social ethics, honesty, and goodwill towards the rest of mankind. Every man is my brother and every woman my sister.

My conversion to atheism was a very real and liberating experience. When I die I am not going anywhere. Like all living things I will just cease to exist. The idea of another life after death was a pagan idea which prevailed before the art of writing was invented. That is before about 3,000 B.C. Not until three hundred and twenty five years A.D. or over two hundred years after the death of St. Paul , (the principal founder of the Christian Faith,) did the idea of the Trinity, God the Father; God the Son; and God the Holy Spirit; become the foundation of Christian doctrine. None of the writers of the New Testament had ever met or spoken to Jesus or to one of his twelve disciples nor anyone else with a direct relationship with Jesus. You may ask "where did the story of Jesus come from?" Many scholars have asked this question but faited to find the answer or the historical Jesus. Is the story of Jesus a myth? Or a collection of ancient myths?

In the gospel of John Ch. 14:13-14 on two occasions Jesus is reputed to be saying "Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name that I will do." This promise has disappointed thousands of sincere believers in the power and supposed truth of the Christian faith to heal the sick.

There is no bullet-proof evidence that God or Jesus ever existed