In Part 3 we took the first and major step in emotional adulthood. We accepted ourselves as unique and separate persons of dignity and worth in our own right. In Part 4 we take the second step by accepting responsibility for ourselves, instead of allowing ourselves to be victims of other people's expectations.

We look at some of our own integral expectations and emotional stresses. They have been borrowed from many sources including parents, teachers and partners. Many of them are other people's concepts with which we do not feel comfortable but have accepted nevertheless.

We are going to establish our own concepts free from internalised stress. Our own techniques and principles of living.

With this object in mind I wilt tell you how I deal with domination, guilt, emotional debt, jealousy, anger, external and internal stress. You may have to deal with different internal pressures. Whatever they are they can be resolved by applying the same principles of emotional adulthood.

Earlier we said that with few exceptions we were born complete entities with all the potentialities necessary to make a fully functioning adult. Then who or what is to blame for the failure to achieve this fulfillment? Parents who encouraged the blame attitude? Society which set impossible standards? People who made us angry? Poverty which made us devious and anxious?

If we blame parents, which is a popular concept, who should they blame? Their parents or their grandparents? Or should we start hack a few more generations? We could go on and on and get absolutely nowhere by blaming others. Obviously we must give up blaming others for the simple reason that such an attitude will get us nowhere.

Once we have clearly accepted ourselves as persons of worth in our own right, have recognised ourselves as a dignity without reference to, or measurement by imposed standards, we begin to look carefully at our personal responsibilities. We have become managing directors of our own lives. We can not pass the buck any longer. We are not answerable to anyone except ourselves. Now we must come face to face with the challenge of self direction.

I know a little four-and-a-half year old who came rushing into a room where his baby sister was playing. He fell over a cushion on the floor and hurt himself and immediately, and angrily blamed his little sister. He did not say "If I had looked where I was going i would not have fallen over." No! What he said was "it's all her fault. If she had not been playing with cushions on the floor, I would not have fallen over."

This is the opposite reaction to the guilt-ridden person who says "It's all my fault." This time other people are blamed for the failure- There are armies of people blaming others for personal failure. If only the children would behave, if only my wife was a good housekeeper. If only my husband would get off his behind and do something. If only mother was not so demanding. If only, if only, then I could be happy, I could succeed.

Someone else is always to blame for my failure. Blaming can go on for years and years, sometimes for the rest of life. Excusing oneself for not getting on with living. It has been said that if husbands and wives would stop blaming each other for things which happen or don't happen ninety per cent of family quarrels would not occur. I know one woman who still blames her husband for dying twenty five years ago. It's all his fault that she has not had a happy life!

Blaming something else goes right back to ancient tribal witchcraft. Blame for misfortune was placed on bad spirits and successes on good spirits or the avoidance of bad spirits. Nations blame their neighbours. Governments blame the previous government. Politicians are experts at blaming others. Business failure is blamed on the economy, bad luck, the bank manager who restricted credit, or the staff. There is no end to blame. From babies we are nurtured on it as though it were a dairy product.

What are we all doing, why are we so fond of blaming others? What are we trying to protect so frantically? What has a four-and-a-half year old child got to protect? And it does not just start at four-and-a-half. We have all seen very young children trying to shift the blame or the disapproval being directed at them, on to something else. From earliest infancy we thrive on approval and wither on disapproval.

The attitude of:— "society is to blame" is an attempt to escape responsibility and sometimes to avoid punishment. Deeper still, it is an automatic reaction to protect the person's dignity, that sense of personal worth. We cannot bear to think of ourselves as being in any way inferior or at fault- A friend of mind used to laughingly say "There is only two of us here and I didn't do it." So we build up an elaborate system of either turning off the source of disapproval or, if we cannot turn it off, direct it somewhere else, anywhere except to ourselves.

The person who says "It's society's fault" is really saying "I want to live and anything which interrupts my expression of self in action or behaviour is to be attacked." The strength of this desire to protect the self can drive a person to ruthless acts in an attempt to direct disapproval away from the self. Anything which spoiled the four-and-a-half year old's excitement of running around the house was standing in his way of self expression and therefore he wanted to remove it.

The attitude of "It's all society's fault" is just as futile, just as pointless and impotent as the opposite expressed by the guilt ridden person, who says "It's all my fault!" The person who so easily accepts guilt has given up and become self deprecating. Whereas the person who blames others has not given up. He is fighting a rearguard action to preserve himself. It is the life force pushing forward. Anything coming in the way of that life force is a frustration to the expression of the self and is therefore considered to be at fault. This force itself is good and strong, it is a basic life force, vital and potentially valuable as a creative energy. If the four-and-a-half year old could have picked himself up and used the cushions as a hurdle, perhaps he could have extended his fun.

The understanding and acceptance of the concept "I want to live" enables us to put the force to service and keep it active. It is a creative force which should not be subdued or destroyed but directed to new achievement- Let us not waste this creative force by fruitlessly turning it against someone else. Blaming another never ever does any good. Let us accept responsibility for our own acts. Let us be dignified, looking our fellows in the eye and acting forthrightly without fear-When we can truly take responsibility for our unsuccessful actions, we can also truly evaluate and accept our successes with an uncluttered sense of personal satisfaction. None of us is infallible- We all make errors of judgment.

Again we see that the need to blame someone else is really a fear of loss of personal dignity, or our need to preserve our sense of worth, to protect ourselves as persons of worth.

To change this attitude to a useful end, we have to give something away. We have to give away the habit of blaming ourselves or others. We have to throw out of our boat the importance of the approval of some other person. We have to accept ourselves, just as we are, responsible to ourselves for ourselves.

Happiness is also a personal responsibility- There are tens of thousands 0I people in our affluent society, blaming someone else because they are not happy. It is a widespread disease for which there are no pills. Some seem to enjoy being unhappy, just as others enjoy ill health. We have all met people who seem unable to be made happy. Fortunately there are other optimistic people who are constantly happy and outgoing.

Real happiness is not a commercial commodity which can be bought in the market. It is an attitude of mind. It is a by-product of an inner peaceful state. Like love and trust, it cannot be acquired directly. It is the result of what has gone before to create it.

Years ago I read a children's story which went something like this. "Johnnie had to cross the river on his way to the shops. When he got to the fording place, a little old bow-legged man was standing there by the water's edge wanting someone to carry him across. Good hearted Johnnie was glad to oblige. So the little old man got on his back and they forded the stream together. When they got to the other side, Johnnie waited for the old man to get off. But no! he continued to hold on. 'You can get down now,' said Johnnie, but the old man hung on tighter than ever, and he said 'I am Herbert the Human Limpet, now that I am on your back you will never get me off.' 'Oh, won't I' said Johnnie, shaking himself. He rolled on the ground and rubbed himself against trees, but Herbert hung on tighter than ever."

How Johnnie ever got rid of the bow-legged human limpet, or if he ever in fact did, I do not remember. I do know, however, that many otherwise charming people aspire to be human limpets, living on the backs of society or anyone who will take responsibility for them. No mature person aware of his own dignity will want to be a limpet on another's back or be content to have another permanently ride on his back.

Individual responsibility for actions or happiness is a very important ingredient of personal dignity. It is one of those personal attitudes we need to adopt to facilitate change toward personality success.

Each time we come to a situation requiring action, we make a specific decision to accept the challenge and move forward or to withdraw. It may be only a split second decision coupled with some emotion, but a specific decision does occur- We are making numerous small decisions ail and every day.

It may be that we make a decision to pass the responsibility to someone else, to accept their decision as our own. In that case we become a follower. Avoiding responsibility in that way, can become an attitude of life. If it does, we become victims of circumstance _ accepting or complaining about what life has handed us.