This chapter is a reinforcement of the chapter on Self Esteem but from a different viewpoint.

There is a saying "A man has a false heart in his mouth for all the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends, and a real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except himself, hidden no one knows where,"

Each of us is like a sealed envelope. The things which really drive us, our deepest fears and desires are unknown to people quite close to us. This can be likened to a personal territory where no-one can enter unless invited. Here is the real centre for each of us. It is a basic condition we all have. From this inner place spring our expressions of life, or responses to the world and to those about us. It is here we need a sense of certainty, peace, honesty, unity and wholeness. A belief in personal self worth will give us a sense of confidence and self approval.

Each new child is a new individual, born with a dignity already in place. Our parents gifted their genes to us. Their genes make up our physical structure, our strengths and weaknesses but our dignity is our own by birthright. We can protect and mature it or we can allow the pressures about us to diminish our sense of worth or dignity. Unfortunately many parents, under the misguided idea of training, attack their children's dignity by be-littling them and making them uncertain in their abillties.

The First _Doctrine of Personal Dignity.

Everyone has some self respect. We should recognise and respect the dignity that is already within the self. It can and should build toward self confidence, self esteem, peace, honesty, amiability, tolerance, strength of character and all the other virtues. All of us have a mixture of notions in our minds, 'the purpose is to replace negative notions with positive ones. Personal unity and self esteem should be our high aim. It is the key to maturity and self confidence. Personal unity is a lack of discord or division within us.

I like to think of this innermost territory as a kingdom in which I am in absolute charge. I am responsible for my own rule and order away from the clatter of outside noise and confusion. Perhaps the Eastern philosophers were saying the same thing when they talked about "the God within each one of us", When we achieve inner unity we become much more self reliant and less vulnerable to criticism from others. We will feel more comfortable listening to other points of view without feeling threatened or coerced.

The Second Doctrine of Personal Dignity says I do not owe anyone anything and no one owes me anything. We are not talking about private or commercial contracts, we are talking about emotional debts people put on each other. It has often been said that half the people feel that they owe the world a living and the other half feels that the world owes them a living. Both are wrong attitudes.

Some married couples carry this idea of not being indebted to each other right into their home relationships. They seek to eliminate all sense of demand. Their relationships are based on goodwill and reciprocity, harmony is enhanced as a result. Neither partner is the servant of the other. It becomes a habit without tension. It is a simple idea but far reaching when one comes to work at it. Of course they do things for each other and continually consider the feelings of each other. They are courteous and honest with each other because courtesy and honesty provide an atmosphere for communication and friendship.

After many years together, they will still feel that they do not owe each other anything. Sounds cold? Not a bit of if Trust, loyalty and affection are built up in great measure. They never insult the other's dignity or put an obligatory demand on their partner, it never pays.

The best definition of a mature relationship I have heard was given by the late Dr. Harry Guntrip. in his book "Personality Structure and Human Interaction". He states- "A relationship between two fully mature adult persons is one of equality, mutuality and spontaneity. It contains no element of compulsion, no striving of either for superiority, no element of distrust or constraint."

This is where many marriages break down. The partners start putting pressures on each other. Many parents also imagine that their children owe them a great deal. They say "I've saved and slaved for them for years, of course they owe me something." Children did not ask to be born, parents had them for their own enjoyment. We are not entitled to burden our children with emotional debt.

The one exception to this doctrine of not owing anything is that parents owe the children dependability and a stable environment, both physical and emotional, in which to develop into mature adult persons. That is what parenthood is all about. It happens that a parent who does provide the right environment for the child usually gets repaid with loyalty and affection in good measure. Both parenting and affection are freely given and received.

So the doctrine of Personal Dignity gets rid of emotional debt and frees us from obligatory demands. We can live without grudges or a fear of being unacceptable without depreciating ourselves or others. It is therefore a path of emotional relaxation, we are neither owed nor do we owe anyone.

Emotional debt is trained into vast numbers of us as children. Some feel that if obligations were removed, we would not do anything for each other but would become totally selfish. It does not work that way. We are firstly and innately social creatures. We all need to live, work and communicate with each other. The emotionally healthy person is an outgoing person who will enjoy communication, human love, warmth and understanding. Deep down we each want the best for ourselves and this should include our community.

Let us look for a moment at the idea of good and bad. My early religious training insisted that I was born a sinner. The Bible said "In me dwelleth no good thing." The Common Prayer Book reads "Behold, I was shaped in wickedness and in sin hath my mother conceived me." The Christian religion equates sex with sin' What rubbish! Utter rubbish' A person with a healthy mind is a good person, an evil person is not thinking logically or more likely has a damaged personaiily. I agree with Robert Ingersoll who said "To unjustly cause suffering is the only possible crime." But let us remember that no one has a monopoly of good or bad. We all err from lime to lime.

The Third Doctrine of Personal Dignity affirms our individual responsibility for personal actions, mistakes and happiness. For those of us who are physically healthy adult people, there is no room for the "if only" syndrome, "i could be happy if only ..." There are tens of thousands of people in our society blaming someone or something else for their unhappiness. Blaming will not get us anywhere, so why waste energy on it. If we have understanding and courage, it is very seldom that we cannot do something to remove ourselves from most unpleasant circumstances,

Individual responsibility is a very important ingredient of Personal Dignity. It does not mean that we become less caring or compassionate. When we recognise our personal dignity, a sense of rightness and strength grows within us. We become far less dependent upon the opinions of others. At the same time, an attitude of tolerance and openness develops within us.