Self esteem or a good self image has a quality which provides personal security and a confident environment in which to operate. It changes the view of oneself to a positive knowledge of inner strength. Self esteem is a healing concept which we can acquire for ourselves. It gives a kind of power and immediacy which is self dependent.

Self esteem creates mental energy and optimism for living. It enlarges our boundaries and enables us to develop our own potential. Self esteem gives us peace of mind and a zest for life. Self esteem gives us courage to act upon personal decisions based on reasonable assumptions; to be flexible, positive and it will assist us to achieve our goals.

What is low self esteem?

Low self esteem is an attitude of mind which causes inner tension, can effect our health and is a personal saboteur within. It is an insidious self judgment associated with fear. Low self esteem is a negative evaluation and expectation of oneself. It is a person's assumed inferior position or inability in relation to others. It is one's believed low worth in relation to the broader society- This basic evaluation need not be vocalised but it is certainly keenly felt and usually visualised. Every day it adversely influences personal expression. Fortunately there is a way to overcome our low self esteem.

What causes low self esteem?

Self esteem is usually undermined early in life. It is often the result of repeated criticism by parents, persons in authority or one-self, causing humiliation, Finally the victim gives up resisting and comes to believe the repeated criticism. It then turns into self doubt. Negative feelings only become real to us when we believe them to be true. Most of us have been trained in self doubt. We have also learnt to be suspicious of our fellow human beings by our need to survive in a tough competitive society,

A counsellor asked an Intelligent lad, "Does anyone love you?" "No, I don't like myself, how can I expect anyone to love me? I am bad." He had low self esteem. I am sure he had not done anything really bad, just a little willful and antisocial. He had grown up subjected to a constant barrage of criticism; don't be silly or careless or lazy or tell lies. The don'ts and demands were endless. He felt that he could never please anyone. Of course he began to believe those negative accusations,

Some people feel dirtied because of an involvement in the past. They blame themselves and feel unable to discard the guilt. The fact that they feel guilt is a clear statement that they do have an ethical code deep within. This time the criticism comes from themselves. Some demean themselves because they consider their bodies less than perfect. Others regard themselves inferior because they think they are not smart enough, are poor, uneducated or something else. The list goes on and on. We can all find imperfections in ourselves. Self blame is self destructive and a total waste of energy. We can learn from our experiences. Each time we let petty criticism affect us we reinforce our low self esteem and increase our expectation of failure in the future. Many have been doing it every day for years. It is like tying a cotton thread around ourselves. One thread is easy to break, ten threads are more difficult but a thousand threads are very difficult to break without help or knowledge. Such is the power of habit.

Real self esteem encourages us to take mastery of our own life without emotional submission to any other outside authority,

How to build self esteem

Just as a poor self image can be a powerful inhibitor, a good self image is a powerful motivator. Real confidence has its strength in self knowledge, self identity, a sense of personal worth, positive self regard or self image. All these words convey the same message of self esteem. The centre of maturity is always found in self respect which leads to respect of others. In the past we have been viewing ourselves in the bent mirror of other people's faulty opinions. The view is distorted and has become negative and self limiting of our expectations. We need to discard the bent mirror and start afresh. If we suffer from guilt due to self criticism, we cannot alter history but we can learn and benefit by our mistakes and then forgive ourselves. Whatever the cause, we can start again. When we succeed, we will find the view of ourselves to be much more acceptable and honest. But we need to guard against demeaning ourselves from habit. Habit will not cure itself. Determination and commitment are required to cultivate and practise the new habit of positive self esteem.

The first thing is to recognise where the idea of our low self esteem came from. Possibly it started so far back it is hard to remember. Now we must totally reject the concepts that caused our problem and re-establish self esteem. Some person or persons repeatedly threw hot missiles of disapproval at you and me. Why do we pick them up and embrace them. We do not have to accept that kind of hurt. There can be an urge to retaliate by arguing but It does not help and often increases the hurt. So avoid argument.

At first, the cure may seem difficult to act on hut it works. Just practise thinking well of yourself. Recognise the good_that is certainly resident there and let the criticism float harmlessly by. Do not give up, you are not stupid. Change from negative to positive thinking about yourself and cultivate self regard. Repeat quietly and often to yourself "I am an O.K. person". Think of mistakes as learning experiences. They can strengthen us and make us better equipped to handle future events,

We can practise giving ourselves credit and enjoying the person we are. If we stop demeaning ourselves we will increasingly find much to respect and love about ourselves. By nurturing the good and beautiful within us, we learn to regard ourselves as people of worth. There is a great deal of good to be found within all of us,

To make progress we will be willing to accept responsibility for ourselves. We cannot afford to accept a servile position of following the instructions or the opinions of others. We need to stand tall in our own right. Each of us is born into this world with a personal dignity. That dignity is equal to any other. It is a private birthright- No one can take it from us unless we agree to discard it. But if we have been persuaded to give self esteem away, we can regain and strengthen it-

W'e live in, and contribute to a social community but each of us is always a separate unit- Life is a personal adventure, no one can live a life for someone else,

Self esteem does not Include the arrogance which says "1 am better than you," Such arrogance can be a sign of low self esteem. Self esteem builds a quiet confidence of self-worth which is personal and need never be forfeited. It is not in competition with anyone else nor is it dependent on the approval of anyone. It is our own personal birthright. It is something deep and secure which does not arouse a need for boasting. We can guard our self esteem by refusing to pick up petty or vicarious criticism aimed at us by unhappy people. Just let worthless attacks float by without resistance.