All of us can recognise self interest as distinct from social interest. These two qualities can appear on the surface to be pulling in different directions. On closer examination we find that both forces are necessary for a full enjoyment of life,

Self interest is that part of us which says "I want to live and I want the very best possible for myself because I am the most important person in my life," Self interest comes to our aid when we need protection. It is a survival mechanism to prevent us from being hurt.

The American Constitution tells us that all people are bom equal and we can agree with that. Civil equality makes all people equal under the law. But you have to earn social equality within your community. It has to do with how well you respect and treat your neighbours. The New Zealand Maori have a very good word for this - Mana. We are born with mana and can increase or diminish our mana by our social behaviour,

If we pursue self interest at the expense of social interest, we may feel we gain an immediate advantage. But the cost is likely to be high including the loss of the respect of others and perhaps self respect. An anti-social person may become a parasite on the community. The results of such behaviour are usually social rejection. When self interest is pursued without consideration of the society, we invite the disapproval of society and eventually unhappiness to ourselves,

Our inborn social nature enables us to live at peace within a community, I am sure that you will agree that we alt need to communicate, trust, co-operate, share, live and work with our fellow human beings. We cannot separate ourselves from social interests, we are part of society. The very basis of our nature is social. By giving consideration to our social side, we invite acceptance by others. We do this through personal and friendly interchange with fellow human beings.

To get the most benefit from the society, we must abide by the rules of that society. These rules are called social ethics. They are not some sort of irksome imposition or pious burden placed on reluctant youth. They are part of our culture. Social accord and ethics are found together, they are necessary to make a stable, happy and rewarding community, The pursuit of social ethics is the pursuit of happiness through social means,

The American writer, Baldwin said, "There is only one sin and that is vulgarity." In other words, it is hurtful to offend the sensitivities of our fellow human beings. The Greek philosopher Aristotle said "All virtue is summed up in dealing justly." These ideas comprise part of the foundations of social accord.

That leads us to personal responsibility. We must bear the results of our own actions. We cannot transfer responsibility to another person. We will carry the consequences of our own behaviour within our society.

We all know the saying "he who would have friends must show himself friendly." The same goes for trust, if a person wants someone's trust, he should first show trustworthiness, The same principle applies to love, co-operation, honesty, respect, compassion and all the other virtues. You can only have these things in good measure if you first give them to others. The more you give, the more you gel. Ingersoll said, "I can know that my liberty is secure only because others are free". Our happiness, like liberty, is dependent on providing for others the conditions we would like for ourselves. This is the social imperative which leads to harmony and goodwill. It is easy to achieve, we are all capable of being socially aware. It is the basis of a happy marriage, a happy home and a happy community,

But there is something deeper which is well worth thinking about. Here is the real key which unlocks personal success and happiness. We can better love and respect others when we love and respect ourselves. To put it the other way around, we cannot fully love and respect others until we start loving and respecting ourselves. This is called self esteem or personal regard. For too many years, most of us have often been wrongly taught in the home and by religion to denigrate ourselves: that we are not good enough and are in need of improvement to make us acceptable.

We are talking about real moral or ethical laws dictated by our social nature and cultural environment. It is something mankind has always possessed; not something borrowed outside our human experience. It provides a just and practical result of our social and ethical behaviour. We reap what we sow. It is the direct cause and effect of our attitudes and integration with other people. It happens that way regardless of political or religious beliefs and associations.

Human beings are not innately virtuous but they are innately social beings. We do not have to be persuaded to be social. These things come naturally to us when the malfunctioning parts of our personality are healed. It is our predatory attitudes and angers which interfere with our social drives. The more the community becomes socially adjusted, the less antisocial behaviour will occur.

Self interest and social interest are mutually supportive. We need both of these sides to our nature. When we establish self esteem, our expectations and social behaviour begin to change. We begin to do for others the things we would like them to do for us. Not from an attitude of subservience but from a sense of self regard. Because we are part of society we benefit ourselves.

Do you want friendship' - show friendship to others. Do you want self esteem? - have respect for others. Do you want love? - express love by your actions to others. This applies equally to all the other virtues and also to anti-social acts. What you give, you invite. In time a most important and exciting thing may happen to you, if it has not already happened. You may learn to love and respect yourself. That is the greatest insurance you can have against hurting others. For you cannot hurt others without in some way hurting your social environment and therefore hurting yourself.