My father was a greatly loved and good man who displayed his caring, compassion, great courage and sincerity wherever he went. As already mentioned, he used to say to me "Steve, always do what you sincerely believe to be right." Yes, I have sincerely tried to follow that advice, even to the extent of rejecting all of his religious beliefs but not his humane compassion, ethics, honesty or courage.

The two carpenters, who were building father's house on a labour only contract, suggested I buy another section nearby. They would tike to build a spec, house for me. In the end I went into partnership with Lillian Chrystall whom I had met in Brethren circles. She was one of the first New Zealand women to become an architect. She drew the plans and I became clerk of works, I went to see the A.M.P. to be assured that a mortgage would be available for the purchaser and to find out how much they would be prepared to lend. They seemed to be impressed with the plan and offered to finance a further six houses for a start. The Auckland Star wrote and printed the story on the 12th May 1955 giving me a pseudonym, Mr Jones. I had enough to do with the printing business so did not take up the offer.

Gifts were usually sent by the Open Brethren churches toward the printing of the Christian literature thev received from us each month. The Open Brethren do not have a central governing body. Their missions and religious work is supported by voluntary gifts from their members. There was no contract nor were invoices presented. The Churches had a moral responsibility to support 'the Lord's Work', The money we received was less than a quarter of the cost of producing the literature. I felt we should charge a nominal price for the goods. After discussing the problem with Edwin we introduced art work and colour to the 'Good News' and informed each recipient of the new charges we had set.

Immediately the orders dropped from 50,000 to 18,000 a month. It was a shock when we discovered that in very many Gospel Halls throughout New Zealand, the papers which had cost us a great deal were stacked on shelves, not even opened. Worse still was to follow, the quantity continued to decline as accounts were sent out. We received letters which said "We have enough 'Good News' to last us for some years. Please discontinue sending more to us in the meantime". It seemed that people were willing to accept something for nothing but not willing to pay for it. After some time, I talked the matter over again with Edwin and we decided to cease publishing Christian literature,

Because I had been brought up all my life to accept the Bible as God's inerrant message to mankind, it never occurred to me to examine it critically and logically until after my mother's death. If difficulties of understanding arose, I automatically assumed that my interpretation of the Bible was at fault. It now amazes me that I just did not see or feel concerned about the hundreds of blatant contradictions and scientific impossibilities which are found in its pages. There was another factor which helped to block the power of my reason and that was the risk factor. I had been brought up with a life-threatening belief that if I did not put my faith in Jesus Christ, 1 would be condemned to everlasting damnation.

The children of over zealous Christian parents often seem to be confused by the 'out of this world' feelings associated with an intense religious upbringing. My parents talked about "being in this world but not of the world". Their whole expectation was centered on the afterlife to the exclusion of most earthly things. They seemed to be campaigning against anything which savoured of 'worldliness'. Everything was subserVicnt to their faith. Jesus, God and the Devil were very real to them. They "fought the good fight of faith" with sincerity and passion. God was addressed in prayer several times each day, but my parents were not certifiable. On subjects other than their religious faith, they were rational and normal.

Looking back, I was embarrassed when father insisted on giving thanks aloud to God every time we had afternoon tea, even in a restaurant and when he was trying to convert someone. Giving out tracts was not so bad because the contact was brief and impersonal. I think it was the exclusiveness which mainly worried me. We made ourselves different and peculiar. Yet I submitted and became part of that outlook and for about ten years after mother's death I struggled with the faith I had so sincerely followed. My brother and I had contributed heavily of our money and time in propagating the Christian message. I was an elder in the church, a Sunday School teacher and worker. Edwin was similarly engaged at Ellerslie. He was still a convinced Christian and contributor while I was becoming more and more disillusioned with the so-called truth of the Christian religion.

I remember lying on my bed in our new house at Belfast Street and telling Ruth that I was not convinced that life after death was possible. Surely life was like a candle which could pass on its flame to others but would itself eventually be extinguished. We would use fertile farm eggs in our kitchen. They would be live embryonic, potential birds. But as soon as they were broken into the pan they no longer were potential birds but food which would finally be reabsorbed back into the environment, I could not see how the laws of nature could operate differently for human beings. I could see no evidence of life after death in any other part of living nature. For me, to believe in eternal life meant faith without reason or evidence, I just could not do that.

Something was wrong. I realised that my faith would have been conditioned by my upbringing. Perhaps I was interpreting the Bible in a preconceived manner. Then I came across a verse in Eph. 4:6 which said "One God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in you all". I had read it many times before but now it seemed to stand out with new meaning, I had always thought of God in a personal way as our heavenly father. Perhaps I should think of him as the all pervading spirit; the ultimate energy; the total life force. "Above all, through all and in you all" was a very expansive statement, certainly not an external God or one who dwelt in his chosen people but not in others,

I spoke about this at our farewell gathering at the Waikowhai Gospel Hall. I am sure the church members were unable to question their faith in their God, What I said to them was rejected like water on a duck's back. By removing the personal quality of God and regarding him as the total life force or energy, I could be more tolerant toward undeserved suffering which was still my unanswerable and moral dilemma. I went on to play with that new idea for a short while but it was an evasion and not a real answer So I struggled on in a 'no man's land' of conflict between belief and doubt. It is difficult to change one's whole philosophy after forty years of indoctrination and habit of Vicwpoint.

About 1949 we sold our Belfast St. property for $5,700, I then had over $2,000 of my own to commence building at Temple Street on leasehold land. The lease was for 21 years at $42 a year or less than $1 a week. Looking back, I am sure the growing desire to remove my family from the tight religious circle at Waikowhai was the main reason for selling the Belfast Street property. Our son Vic had come home from Sunday School with some grossly literal and graphic interpretation of the creation story which I, and I think Ruth also, felt very unhappy about. I had become increasingly opposed to Open Brethren literalistic philosophy and indoctrination.

Lillian Chrystall designed a new house for Temple Street. Of course, Bill Lloyd was again the builder. I looked after supplies and helped Bill as much as possible. Ruth and I joined the Remuera Baptist Church. They welcomed us but I was not happy there. They were just a mild version of the Open Brethren. We then went to the Somervell Presbyterian Church where we were also welcomed, I became a Sunday School teacher for them at Meadowbank, Each of the children was supposed to learn a verse of the Bible for the next Sunday. The text was "Draw nigh unto God and he will draw nigh unto you", John thought he knew his verse and quickly said "Draw knife unto God and he will draw knife unto you". Perhaps, in his opinion, that was the Christian message, a reasonable conclusion don't you think. I was also invited and joined the group of church managers.

While all this was going on, Ruth and I were attending gatherings in a private house in Epsom where Eastern thought and meditation were taught. I had a business associate who was a member of the Oxford Group Movement. We attended their meetings for a time. The Group promoted four absolutes:- honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. They also practiced a kind of group meditation which was really listening to the subconscious. Perhaps they would say they were listening to the voice of God. Good ethical stuff but it did not meet my needs, I was still looking for a firm and rational basis on which to place a religious faith in God.

For several years we took our Christmas holidays at Maraetai Beach. There was, a grassy area on the western end of the beach where a little creek ran into the sea, I would hire a two pole tent about 4 metres by 3 metres. We could be sure of our place if we erected the tent two or three days before school holidays started. Being nearly five years older than his next brother. Vic became my helper in lots of ways. Bruce and Ross would catch up later. We would load the trailer with two saw horses, several planks, boxes, spades and other camping gear,

We would usually go to the beach, erect the tent, put the timber and gear inside, dig a small trench around the tent, close it up and leave it until we were ready to move down with the rest of our mattresses and equipment. The planks and rubber mattresses on the saw horses were large enough to provide for the sleeping needs of all the children and at the same time, lift the sleeping arrangements off the ground. Boxes and planks did the same for our double bed. The kitchen equipment included a two burner kerosene stove on legs. Alongside we placed boxes nailed on top of each other with the open side forward and a curtain in front. Mats on the ground completed our temporary home.

Apart from the two weeks Christmas holidays and weekends, I would travel back and forth to work each day. The whole family enjoyed the swimming, fishing and lovely walks over the hills. It certainly made an excellent change from city life.

Then we found a section right on the beach at Algies Bay, North Auckland. It could not be sold because there was no legal access. However the Algie brothers were willing to lease it to us with the promise that we could buy it when the road was extended. There were no legal papers exchanged, just word of mouth and trust. A couple of years later the sale was completed-

The old timber joists (150 mm by 50 mm) from the alterations of the printing factory and the plate glass from the shop window were taken down to the bay and incorporated into the beach cottage- It was a simple building of a living room kitchen opening on to a balcony and three sleeping areas. The toilet was an old fashioned long drop. Our water supply was rain water from the roof collected in a 300 gallon galvanised tank.

Algies Bay was just over an hour's drive from our home. We would load up the Studebaker car, collect our Siamese cat and be down there Friday evening. Immediately the car door opened, the cat would disappear to 'case the joint'. Half an hour later he would come inside, flop down on a chair as if to say "all is safe now, you can sleep easy". We loved Algies Bay, At high tide we could throw a stone from the balcony into the water. At night we could hear the breaking waves as they raced along the shore line. It was just the place to relax and renew our vitality. The children found new friends and many interesting things to do.

Someone left a bait on a fishing line. The cat got the hook in its mouth so we cut the line and took him to the vet in Warkworth. The cat actually purred in the car. He knew we were looking after him and just lay on the bench while the Vet removed the barbed hook.

I remember going floundering soon after our seaside cottage was built. We had spears, a lamp and high hopes. Lyn hated the mud between her toes so I ended up with her on my back; we caught no fish. We tried several times without any success and finally gave up that endeavour. But it was all part of the fun. We were much more successful at catching mullet by setting a net from the shore to some rocks a little way out or fishing from the boat,

Our first boat was a 3.96 metre X class, gaff rigged, centre board yacht called 'Sabrina'- Vic and I bought it complete with sails at Westhaven for $90. We thought it looked very smart after we had repaired a split in the planking and painted it. We arrived at the bay on Dec. 23rd. I asked the Algie brothers to teach us how to sail. "After Christmas Day", they said. Their wives would kill them if they went sailing and did not prepare the turkeys.

The 24th was a lovely day with a gentle off-shore wind. A friend had drawn four illustrations on the back of an envelope showing how we should set the sail for each direction of the wind. He said that we should always go about into the wind. If we capsized we should drop the anchor and stay with the boat. Vic and I just could not wait for two days to get our little boat into the water. We had our instructions so why should we wait, we could not come to much harm. We got the mainsails up all right then the jib (foresail) but we did not know where to attach the jib sheet (the rope by which to control the foresail) so we tied it to the mast. The jib of course, could no longer be controlled and formed a balloon which finally dragged us down.